This thing called marriage.

This thing called marriage.


Hmmmmn, Recently i read, that about   four thousands  divorce letters was filled in a particular court at Abuja Nigeria in 2020, that's from January 1st, till date. Also in some days back i read an online news about a particular marriage that was dissolved at the court because both couples could not come to an agreement of resolving their problems, even after the chief judge of the court pleaded with both couples to reconcile with each other, all his efforts on the reconciliation failed, he had no choice than to let them have their wish..

Is not shocking to learn that ladies are now ready to get married to man that has   wife and kids, they don't care if they are second or third wife, some happening  events in this country started with comedy skit, and it goes viral, its later you realised that its really true.

Not quite long i saw a video of a woman saying, why will men marry one wife and say its enough?, she went ahead to say you men must marry us, even if its 5 or 4 wives a man should marry, because someone must marry the ladies, or are they meant for decorations? At first i was laughing 😂 i never take likely not until i saw another video again by another woman she was saying to the ladies out there, if you refuse to keep you man, we would take him from you, because men are scarce they are not enough for us, So if you have one keep him or else we are coming to have him..  


 some of you that, might have seen these videos would probably laugh and never get the message. 

Now comparing the two instances together it actually means, something, can you imagine even men are campaigning that ladies! you won't die if you ask us out, or take us out, when you look at all these things you would realise that, everything's are not working right anymore, and its the fact, except you want to deny the truth, its happening already, how can we establish this truth?! ,


 why not take a survey of friends and families and those around you, take a sample of one hundred married men and one hundred unmarried men, for those that are yet to marry how many of them is dating only one woman?, and how many are not,? For the married men too, how many of them have side chicks, two wives or"more and how many of them have just only one wife without side chicks the result will clear your doubt....


Now the question is why are there so many, problems in marriages?

Why is divorce so common nowadays especially with you young people? .. I can tell of some people whose marriage are still very young but they are tired of it already, they want out! ..

Some of these problems is basically formed on the fact that, they married wrong person, if you marry a wrong person, no matter how hard you try to make it work, it will not work, in the end you end up alone or bearing the cross forever, because your partner is always not what you anticipated from the beginning.


Its obvious that a guy will do anything for a woman he wants to go out with, even when he knows he's not going to marry her, no matter how difficult you are as a woman, a man will know how to break you, its just that some ladies easily got mislead and when they are in love at times they don't think a bout what happen next?, they are so much carried away, so they can't  see what is right in front of them even when the big red flag 🚩 present itself, its not that guys are bad anyway, we are fantastic, its just that many times we get fooled by woman, and vise versa,


Now! the happening of days is that, some ladies, are ready to marry any man that is capable of meeting their needs not every one of them can wait, some will say after i had suffered with him he would still go and marry another wife, no never! Let him make his money first, i will marry him i don't care if he cheats as long as he gives me money, no thoughts of the future happiness in their mind, that's why so many of them run into marriage recklessly without thinking it through, the same thing goes with the man, i have heard guys saying i will marry her o o! because she is beautiful, i will marry her so they know am her husband, i want my children to be fine like her, without looking at the other side of things to come tomorrow!, so many people jump into marriage with reasons that are not reasonable at all, and they forget the fact that  marriage is for better for worse, when its better you stay when it's worse you also stay,


My words to all ladies out there!

Please know what you are  in a relationship for, never allow anyone to choose for you make your choice with deep thought, stop holding back on what you really crave for, be simple and know what you want, no pretend whatsoever let your guy know your ugly past, if he's yours he would accept it and stay, some lady keep secrets of past, some things they should  tell the man when they first met, till after marriage and it begins to hunt them and when the man got to know, because he would eventually do, he's no longer interested in the marriage..

And even you man, why will you fake your life, lie to a woman just to get her to marry you?, didn't it occurred to you that one day she will know?, and the movies will be over,


 these are some of the reasons there are so many broken marriages today,

The best time to disclose your past to your partners is when you both just got together, when the love just began, are you a single parent, divorcee, widow/er, older in age and other stories surrounding your life? tell it to them, every one like to be told the truth and don't be scared if they might leave you let them go that's whom you are. if he or she cannot stay because of your past, its better they leave you now!, not after you both have gone far and its too late that you will now begins to panic and started  seeking remedy that will not work!, giving in to unnecessary pressure .


 Any relationship started with lies even if it leads to marriages the marriage will not be a happy one, i use to tell people, you owns your happiness only you can make yourself happy best, you do that by living a normal life and having a relationship found on truth, speaking from experience i have seen marriages that are affected with the few points above

Trust me i met a man who who has been married for years but wasn't happy because his wife lied to him about her age, she reduced her age and made him believe he's older than her whereas she is the one older than him, but because she didn't tell the man, he got to know years after marriage when he came across her birth certificate, she has her reasons but the man was never happy, he's been nursing the pains for years  can you imagine that?

Its crazy at times reasons why marriages collapse,

Some people cannot make their own choice, when it comes to marriage they danced to the toned of their families, yielding to your family's is good, but not when it comes to what you will have to bear for ever, its you that know what you want, go for it and let them back you up, some reasons are not reasonable, e. g, don't go out with him because i don't like him, he's not yet working, and these people giving you the advice have their own family, they are happily married buy when it comes to your own choice they object with unreasonable reasons, sometimes they make choice for you, its James we want not kelvin, i knew a lady who married a man because her mother liked him, deep in her heart she doesn't want him, but to fulfil the mothers wish , she got married to him and now she's regretting it and she want out, she bears the pains alone, the mother could only watch and say sorry, please! n' please!! don't let anyone push you, make your choice, let them advice you on it...


Be wise in choosing your partner so that you won't live to regrets it,

Marriage is different from boyfriend and girlfriend matter that you can pick and drop as you like.

Please go for what you want that makes you happy not all that glitters are gold, money can only buy you immediate happiness its like taking hot drinks to get over a problem, when you are done getting drunk your problems come back to your head, money only feeds your body but happiness and love feed your souls.


©✍️ Dammexalynn.

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About Author

Born on the 24th may 1989, Graduated from the University of Nigeria Nsukka, with a bachelor degree in Eeducation, in the year 2016 and completed nysc in the year 2019. Currently a writer and a motivational/ speaker, single and aspiring to go higher places in public spaeaking, a Christian. Hail from Ekiti State. Based in Lagos State. Nigeria 🇳🇬.